Farewell to The Jolly Sailor

The Jolly Sailor, in Canterbury, has officially closed down.

It's the end of an era. This is really sad to me for a lot of reasons; both personal and political.

When I first started out in comedy, it was really hard to find a venue and an outlet to perform stand-up when at University. The venues on offer would either be incredibly unsuitable rooms or they would make you pay through the nose (but usually it was both). Some friends recommended to get in touch with Ian Blacky Blackmore to do shows at The Jolly Sailor, Canterbury. This was such a significant moment in my career as Ian allowed me to use his lovely upstairs space to run comedy events for free. He didn't ask for a single penny and he actively encouraged creating art in his room. He would supportively say "You may as well be in here, otherwise it would be stood empty". This was such a rare kindness where a lot of business didn't exhibit.
There was no other space in Canterbury to do something like this, nor was there a supportive network like what The Jolly Sailor offered. The moment I stepped through that door, Ian and his amazing crew treat me like one of their own.

From that opportunity, I put on loads of comedy: including my Hosstages (my sketch show), Magna Laughter and loads of previews. More significantly, I ran my first ever comedy club (Toys In The Attic) there. This was a platform for me to write regular material, to be become a compere and to not have to pay mega-bucks to travel to London to cut my teeth in the industry. It was where I learned my craft, and it allowed me to experiment and become myself. I have so many great memories of so many hilarious nights there (and memories of many deaths too 😅).
I wouldn't be the comedian I am now without The Jolly Sailor.

I'm really upset that it has to end. I'm upset that other students or artists won't have an access to create and play. I'm upset that this isn't uncommon, and is happening far too often to small businesses. It shouldn't have to be like that. I wish there were more places in the world like The Jolly Sailor, and I hope that there are more people in the world like Ian. They were a perfect combination which really made me feel at home in Canterbury. I can't thank them enough for everything they have done. They mean the world to me and will always remembered with such fondness in my heart.

Cherish the venues that love you as much you love them. It's rare.

A Winter For Janus

A Winter For Janus:(My Top Ten experiences of 2017)

There is a Roman god called Janus. Yes, it is a really funny name. He’s a god of two halves and is depicted with having two faces: one looking to the future and one looking to the past. He is the God of Beginnings & Endings, of doorways and transitions. His significance represents the spirit of January; so in honour of Janus, I thought I’d take a look at the past year in an attempt to be reflective and look forwards to the New Year. I know, I'm a right Janus. 

Here are my top ten moments, new experiences, novels, podcasts and things that have changed my life for the better in my 2017. 

(N.B. Not all things are necessarily new to 2017, but they're new to me).

1) The Elis James & John Robins Radio X Podcast

This naturally felt like the first thing to talk about as I got into this podcast at the start of the year and it affected all of the other choices in both direct and indirect ways. This has made a huge impact on my life (for example, I am now on Email – you simply have to be these days).

Elis James & John Robins do their weekly Radio X show which goes out as podcast and they’re instantly funny and they do captivating features. Initially these comedians seem jovial and innocuous, but they offer so much more than what’s on the surface. This podcast has the serious power to pick you up when you are down and build you back up. They are supportive and caring. Plus they also give you tons of amazing new music to explore and books to read. They are like your cool older brother giving you advice on life.

2) John Burnside – I Put A Spell On You (Book)

What. A. Book. Scottish Poet, John Burnside writes a memoir about his young forays into love, glamour, romance and everything in between. These memoirs are intercut with digressions about the inner-weavings of love in society. Burnside portrays an illustrious image of what realistic romance is and the awkward moments in-between. This book beautifully portrays teenage folly and the false idealisation of love and has given me great things to consider in my own love-life.

 “To master the art of losing, we must be willing to consider ourselves lucky when whatever god we address answers our prayers by refusing them, so that something more interesting can happen” – John Burnside.

3) 100 ACTS OF MORALITY & KINDNESS  (My stand-up show)

At the start of the year, I created a new show stand-up show called '100 Acts Of Morality & Kindness'.  It was about going out into the world to see if I could become the world’s most moral person. It required me to complete an array of kind acts to try and create a positive impact in the world. I was certainly ambitious. 

This led to me giving blood for the first time, boycotting unethical foods & brands, AND I went on my first every protest in February. These 100 acts firmly placed me outside of my comfort zone however I felt so much better within myself. I realised that I liked helping others (but at that time, I wasn’t really taking care of myself). 

From the acts themselves, the stand-up show was born. I created an hour about some of the funniest moments of the project. And I did a run of gigs at festivals around the UK which were some of my all-time favourite stand-up shows I’ve ever done. In particular, I performed at the Swindon Fringe Festival in April 2017 and every moment felt magical and the audience were instantly on-board. It felt marvelous to do a show which was very close to my heart and for people to relate to it. One of my crowning stand-up achievements.

4) Sherlock Holmes: The Definite Collection by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Audiobook, read by Stephen Fry).

This audiobook is better than sex (I imagine). 70 hours of Stephen Fry retelling every Sherlock Holmes case. I never really watched any Sherlock, but was recommended the books. Buying the audiobook was the best decision:  The books have amazing language and is performed perfectly by Fry. Every case comes alive with the awe-striking skills of Holmes & Watson: I was enamored immediately.

(Also I really enjoyed that some of language hasn’t aged well: whenever Watson (the narrator) gets excited on a crime scene he says “ ‘WONDERFUL’, I ejaculated’ ”, which must be a nightmare when you are dealing with DNA evidence). 

5) Searching For Sugar Man (Documentary)

One of my favourite documentaries. It may be the only documentary I’ve ever watched which isn’t tragic, but is really joyful and incredibly positive. To not ruin the story: an obscure American Singer called Rodriguez released some unknown albums in the 1970’s and vanished from the scene. His music miraculously made it over to South Africa in which he was revered as a giant star. South African fans search to see what happened to their favourite artist. The ending is spectacular.

The soundtrack for documentary exclusively features Rodriguez’s songs and it will have you buying the album at the end of the documentary (“Like Janis” is my favourite for the lyrics alone. The bassline for "I Wonder" is equally amazing).  If you need a pick-me-up and a great story, you’ll find it here.

6) Wrote a play

I wrote a play about what if Romeo and Juliet hadn’t killed themselves but went on to live in a loveless marriage and a guy called Will Shakespeare writes play about their life which makes them famous. The title of play is called “Stars (Cross Lovers)”; a title which so punny that I literally high-fived myself afterwards. I wrote it just for fun,  but after getting in touch with Alphabetti Theatre in Newcastle, they invited my piece to be performed at their Writeback night in October.

It was a weird play, but it felt really amazing that I was able to be funny in a different way than just me being on stage. It was an honour and a privilege that others had bothered to get involved and be engaged with something that I had written. I was flattered entirely through the process. 

A cultural high-point for me.

7) Got fully naked at a gig

A cultural low-point for me.

I was in at a New Act of the year competition during August. The audience were a little hard: they were enjoying themselves but they weren’t really laughing out loud. I was on 6^th and I was the final one on in the second section.

 I did my opening jokes with absolutely no response. I panic and say “Erm… I don’t think I have won the competition” – a big laugh. Phew. I gave up on jokes: So I offer them a simple offer: “I’ve not won this, and I’ve got 5 minutes left on the clock – we can do whatever you like for the remainder of the time”.

Immediately a man menacingly shouts “TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!”. We laugh and I agree! I take off my shirt. We laugh and I try to move on, but the same man shouts “TAKE OFF YOUR TROUSERS”. I consider this, then try to rebuke this. But before I get a chance to shut down the request, the man at the sound desk started to play Tom Jones’ “You Can Leave Your Hat On”. And then I wasn’t in control anymore. My comedy spirit started to strip to the music as the madness grew. The crowd loved it. I took of my clothes and threw them at audience members. I started to strip like Magic Mike. Maybe I was born to do this? This is obviously my calling. I was down to my underwear and the crowd wanted to see it off (I imagine).

The voice inside my head said “Matt, you have gone far enough, you are a respected comedian and artiste. You have dignity. You don’t need to get naked just for a cheap laugh” and as I was thinking that, I reached for my shoe to cover up my privates as I started taking off my pants and I finished the gig naked.

I didn’t win.

“Definitely not something easily forgotten...” - Peter Fox – Notts Comedy Review.  

Come and see me perform in 2018 guys!

8) Trevor Sensor – Andy Warhol’s Dream (Album)

Trevor Sensor is an American songwriter who has the most amazing voice. He released his debut album this year at the supple age of 23. 23!!!! I just turned 24 and I feel very intimidated at his mindblowing talents. I need to do more in my life. His album is a belter (although his EPs are some of my favourite songs in the world). Great album and treat from start to finish. This is the first track from the album:

Click here for Trevor Sensor's 'High Beams'

9) Danny Wallace - Yes Man (Book)

This is the most clichéd item on this list, but it’s still significant. Yes Man takes the unadventurous and introverted humourist, Danny Wallace, to challenge himself to say “YES” to everything. This experiment is at the detriment of his wallet, but pays him back with experience, a new lease on life and eventually a wife. It was later turned into a Jim Carey films (Swings and roundabouts, I suppose).

It’s an obvious message, but a really important one for me this year. For so many years of my life I declined so many opportunities for such trivial reasons. I didn’t go out with friends and I didn’t experience things as I was "too busy". I didn’t go on dates – but that was largely because no one fancied me – but the point still remained. But Yes Man (and all of Danny Wallace’s books) really inspired me to see and be more involved within the world. You can change your world by using a single world.  

“Yes” can make you happy.

10) Decided to see a Mental Health Counselor 

At the end of 2016, I was depressed and had been for months. I hated myself and everything within the world. I couldn’t conceive of being happy again. In March, I went to get professional help. This is, without a doubt,  the best thing I have ever done; Without therapy, I really wouldn’t be here right now.

I have never felt better in my life. The last six months of my life is happiest I have ever been. My Counselor gave me perspective on the things, whilst understanding and counteracting my existential dread. What was most admirable, is that she actually listened, in a genuinely engaging and honest way. 

Every session, I learned something significant about myself and how I operated. It was like being given cheat-codes to my own life. It gave me hope, self-confidence and eventually it gave me happiness again. I could begin to stop taking life so seriously and enjoy the little things. I’m now able find joy in so much more. I appreciate every moment.

This list is a celebration of the things I would have missed if I didn’t receive counselling. It’s a testament that you can improve your mental health despite being in the darkest depths. Your happiness can be found in a range of  amazing sources. The past is something I’m continually getting over, but I’m striving for the future. I am like Janus, perpetually looking behind myself and gleefully looking towards the future.

When times are tough for you: Be like Janus. Remind yourself of your past, keep in sight what is important to you and keep moving forward. 

Be like Janus and never give up when life seems so against you – life will always get better (even if you’re name has"anus" in it).

Be like Janus and don’t let the world bring you down and eventually you'll learn the tools about surviving transition and changing for the better. 

Being like Janus means that we are all rooting for you to do more than just to “survive”. We can’t wait to see you thrive, be alive and get happy. The world is always a better place with you in it.

And we can’t wait to see you enjoy 2018. The past doesn’t have all answers, so enjoy the exploration of what you’re trying to find.

Take care of yourselves. Thanks for reading.

---

@MattHossComedy

www.matthosscomedy.com 

Why I'll only date a feminist

A while ago, a white ginger man recently posted the article "Why I'll never date a feminist".

I pretty much disagree with it all of it entirely. I would like to offer a brand new article as a response to this.

Why I'll only date a feminist.

2016 saw many awful things. Brexit. Trump. Pokemon Go. Some really awful stuff. But one of the things that we saw was a breed of internet ne'er-do-wells who have fairly right-wing opinions come out of the shadows. With this, came lots of anti-feminist men who had viciously 'traditional' views  on women. These men disagree with women's rights activist on every fundamental level and want to perpetuate the idea that women should be utterly subservient to men. They are not nice people. 

Before 2016 they lurked in the internet's darkest corners on the internet on places like the "Red pill". 2016 was like a household inspector and allowed the cockroaches to come out from the woodwork of our manor house estate (that is now on fire).  These men's rights activists believe that white, straight men don't have enough privileges in society. White men are certainly the most disenfranchised group. 

Seriously, the only time when being a straight, white man is a hindrance in society is when you are a stand-up comedian. There are FAR too many of us making it WAY harder to stand out. Jeez, my life is very difficult  hard. 

But as seen from the rise of the alt-right and vocalisation the Red Pill, these trolls are incredibly present in everyday life and intend to suppress women into their dominion. For example the writer of the initial article writes: 

"People who are more loyal to their gender and not their significant other don’t make good partners. They will always look at you as inherently more fortunate than them. They’ve bought into the “battle of the sexes” mentality and it often pervades their perceptions of romance. Romance turns into a power struggle rather than a partnership."

Not a great opening line to his PlentyOfFish profile. 

There are a lot of red flags here. This man argues that women can't be both loyal to their partner and to their gender. That they can't be feminist and have a relationship with a man. Why would that be the case? All Feminism is, is caring, treating and respecting women the same as men. It's very simple and hopefully should be understood by many. But he makes it sound like it would be a warzone between a couple. The fact that he is refers to a "power struggle" suggests that he thinks of the relationship as having a higher power than the woman. This guy is essentially looking for someone who is ignorant to women's issues and wants to exploit that. He want to get his kicks from being seen as an archetypal man. I imagine there is a lot of maternal issues at work here. It's like Oedipus unblinded himself and got himself a twitter account and an article in the Newspress. 

Without dwelling on the weirdness in his article, I'd say my argument is this: why wouldn't you want to be with someone that actively is trying to promote equality? Someone who helps wants the best for their oppressed gender? Someone that wanted to help their fellow woman at little expense?
I don't necessarily mean that these women are going on marches every weekend, but their feminism lies within them. They know, love and respect everyone that reciprocates their equality. It's not much to ask for. 

It'd be easy in this blog to say straight off from the bat, the the joke "well he is unattractive - how can he be so picky?". It'd be very easy to do that. But firstly, it is isn't very nice, despite how easy it would be to do it. Seriously. There is a picture of him underneath of the writer just to illustrate how easy it would have been to ridicule him. But secondly, the issue is not his looks (despite looking like a character from Guess Who?), but it is personality and his argument to say why he wouldn't date a feminist. But the thing is, it is not just his personality. It's a growing societal attitude. Therefore, my blog is less directed to this one particular man, but towards the men's rights activists as a whole. 

How easy would it have been?!

It's clear that there is very little respect towards women in this piece. It seems deluded and self-aggrandising- and as left-wing writer, THAT IS MY JOB. Has this man actually spent any time around women? He seems to talking about the scientifically like in David Attenborough documentaries. But instead of observing them with beauty and finesse, he'll send them a message calling them a slut for not going out with him and then get annoyed when they get annoyed when they don't respond.

I think this "anti-feminist" sentiment can all be summed up fairly clearly with one regular act from men in the modern age: the sending of dick pics. You know?! When men decide to send their members to single women in a gambit to get laid. It is usually sent without the consent or requisition the female recipient. It's weird. Dick-pics are allegoric. They both are a representation of the problem and part of the problem..

I've personally never understood dick-pics, it's not in my charming nature to begin a conversation with my genitals (except from that one stand-up gig I did. I have not been asked back yet). Imagine opening a line of conversation with your genitals. You wouldn't do it at interview. You wouldn't do it at a funeral. God forbid at a christening. 

It takes a very special and confident person to send a picture. You know, the kinda fellow who has been given privileges all of their life without acknowledging it. The dick-pic sender is a man who is not afraid of rejection or living alone: they have no shame. What exactly is going through the head of the guy when they send a dick-pic. In no circumstance, will an unsolicited dick-pic end with a good solution. No person has ever receive an appendage shot and gone "Well  isn't this guy a really lovely person? He has lovely eyes and a lovely beard. This is something I want to have in/around me".

Dick-pics are offensive- y'know- because they are ultimately self-serving and blow (ha) to your own ego. They are are simple a Hail Mary attempt to have sex with someone without trying hard to impress them. What it is, is a way for men to lapse in their morals and dignity to perpetuate a fantasy which they of an egotistical nature without thinking of other people as a consequence . Dick-pics are essentially Nigel Farage. 

There is a lot of information for you, there, but here is something to take away for you. Remember this: a penis should be like playing like playing guitar: strum it as hard as you want in the privacy of your own home; but for heaven's sake please don't get it out at a party. 

Anyway, I got away on my feminist high-horse (I call her Woolf) and I digress. Here is some closing arguments for the reasons I'll only date feminists. 

Reasons to date a feminist: 

1)  You can wear one of those t-shirts which say "This is what a feminist looks like" and it would actually be true.

Maybe not as true...

2) They are aiming to match the pay gap, so your joint income account will be quite a pretty purse. You can buy each other dinner. 

3) You can watch as many episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race as you want without feeling guilty that you should be doing something else with you day. If you are dating a feminist, you can probably call it research towards the plight of the oppressed?!

4) You can shout Feminist Catcalls to one another. Practice by driving past the other person and shout outside the car window: 

"I think you are beautiful in both your body and your mind"

"I respect you, your gender and your judgement in your decisions"

" Lad culture is the pinnacle of objectification, demeaning people and the perpetuates the reckless and apathetic behaviours of the uncivilised.... (you would have driven past them at this point)".

(As a side note, you can probably understand why I'm not invited on many nights out with "the lads".)

5) Because you love them for who they are. Obviously. 

Feminist Chat-up lines:

So if you wanted to date a Feminist like me. I've written you a few feminist chat-up lines for you to use on nights out defying the patriarchy.

1) Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself getting your consent for intercourse.

2) Are your legs tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day. Running for a highly prestigious job at well respected company.

3) Are you google? Because I've just found what I'm looking for - a strong independent woman who don't need no man. 

4) DAMN GURRL - if not obeying gendder conventions were a crime. You will be guilty as charged. Your legs are longer than the reign of the patriarchy gurl. 

5) Kissing burns 5 calories a minute. I know something physical we can to do together that burn a lot more calories.  Fancy going on a women's right march?

Hope you enjoyed!