Thursday, 1 October 2015

The Hymen Diamond

The MRA’s literal Pink Panther: The Hymen Diamond

Something popped up on my Facebook Newsfeed the other day which severely annoyed me. The typical things which annoy me on Facebook consist of my friends generally being happy. It’s unfair. Either my friends are getting married, getting pregnant or vaguely being joyful- which annoys me.

However this was different. The link was shared by a friend, who was bringing attention to an bizarre internet campaign. The link shared was the T-Shirt fund for the Men’s Right campaign: “No Hymen, No Diamond”. Don't worry: It gets way creepier.

Obviously "No Hymen, No Diamond" is the less successful follow-up song released by Bob Marley. Coincidentally it is the slogan used by Men's Rights activists (MRA) who state that they only want to exclusively date and marry women who have not lost their virginity. And Though it's not a deal-breaker: they would prefer to have a women who refuses to do independent thinking or has fun.  

What a weirdly horrible campaign this was. It is essentially a group of men who want (and I quote) “to mate” with girls who do not sleep around. The first red flag is clear: they have used the phrase “to mate” in regards to having sex. Any person using the phrase “to mate” should not be allowed to mate in the first place. Ironically, when they are dictating (or DICKtating – Am I Right?! #Lol) how people should live their sex-lives – they do not have the balls to say “having sex”.

Here is what they wrote what their campaign was about: 

A campaign to raise awareness about the importance of female virginity when selecting a mate to marry and eventually produce children with. Too often in today's society are women cavalier with their sexual lives throughout their teenage years and early 20s, which has been shown in studies to decrease the likelihood of maintaining successful, intimate relationships or marriages. Remember gentlemen: No Hymen, No Diamond

I doubt that they do these shirts sizes for women.


Can you imagine the decrepit ne’er-do-well who wrote that paragraph? Undoubtedly it is some nineteen year-old kid living in a suburban basement, with the room only being illuminated by the light of the computer screen. The captain of Laptop has Cheetos surrounding him at all times,  the powder of which, covers his beard in a cheesy glaze whilst also peppering saliva-soaked fingers with the orange dust. Using these orange-covered boats of flesh which he calls his fingers, he types flippantly - pounding his laptop keyboard with all of sexual repression but channeled and amplified from a misogynistic mind. He looks exactly like Chewbacca, if you shaved off 90% of the hair.

But serious SCREW THOSE GUYS. No - scratch that - DON'T SCREW THEM. It will make them more sexually frustrated. Why do they insist on imposing their own rules on someone's body? If they insist on the rule: "No Hymen, No Diamond", then I think women should strike back with their own line of  sexist pedantry with a rule that they will only date men who are circumcised. It will be called "Got Foreskin? No Ring!". It employs the same shitty half-rhyme as well. 

I went to Luisa Omielan's show 'Am I Right Ladies?' when I was at the Edinburgh Fringe 2015. Her show is influentially impacting show about the way how men treat women on a colloquial basis. Luisa discusses how women are shamed and judged for sleeping with men - but she boldly argues that women should sleep around as much as you would like and have no regrets - because guys don't. Just because you are a lady, doesn't mean that you should not enjoy sex. Don't feel judged for doing what you want. This sentiment is what everyone should get behind. I mean - I know I certainly am. I mean, if there is any extra possibility for sex – everyone should be WAY more up for this? It's a win-win situation all around. Instead of making shitty designs for t-shirts, and creating phrases which don’t really rhyme, we should spend our time being more open towards sex. Speaking of which - Ahem - Ladies, my number is at the bottom of this blog.

It genuinely shocked me, and I decided to do a Louis Theroux and look deep into the website. After sifting through a lot of their online forums, I found some some of their key lines of arguments in their wheelhouse. Here are some of the strange arguments I found from their Facebook supporters:

1. Firstly, a man called Brandon argued in response to a comment on facebook. He eloquently sums up his ideology:

     “Well - Would you like this fresh glass of water, or one that's had 23 penises in it?". 

   He got 11 likes for that comment.To be honest Brandon, I would just probably go to different restaurant mate. If you see a flurry of male waiters rush to the counter when you order a tap water, I would hate to think what they were going to do the starter.They would probably impregnate the Soup Of The Day. I mean, I wouldn't leave without at least give them a small tip first.

2.    Here is from a very bitter person: 

    No, but the patriarchy is probably the deep root which made her fall over in the first place. And the way they have phrased it makes it sound less like a hypothetical question but more like they pushed over some one in the forest just to post on Facebook .


3.    Apparently this is the thing which gets their message down to a tee.

    This is possibly the most ridiculous point to be made by far. Just what?! Look at it again!  It genuinely speaks for itself. If anything I just find the choice of the Trevi fountain being the main thing the Patriarchy has accomplished. What these people are saying is that: "We will only date women who have the virginity intact, and they can appreciate what  lovely fountains we made them. I'd be bloody grateful for that oppression if I were them. Bloody Women".

4.   This is my personal favourite:

OKAY-OKAY-OKAY! Somehow they are both acknowledging AND celebrating the fact that women are being oppressed - which is signified with "Boom". What's worst is that they are so gleeful about it.  Imagine if a white american man, if he were to go up to an African-American after the Emancipation Proclamation and goes "You are a lot shittier than being Slave-driver than I am.You Suck." Also I love the fact that in each of these statements they refer to women as “Feminists” and the opposition just being “Men” – as is a way for them to just clarify their underlying point of “WE DON’T SEE WOMEN AS PEOPLE LIKE US”.

After reading through the manifesto of creepiness -  It’s fantastic to read that not once do they mention at all how many times the men need to have sex to enter the relationship. They aren’t saying “Hey – let us both save ourselves for marriage”. No they would be Christians if they did say that. They make an important distinction with what they say and their message is: “We want to have sex with you – then judge you for doing so.You disgust me. How dare you make love to me.". 

The No-Hymeners do have a fatal flaw in their range of attack. What if the No-Hymen man dated a girl, fell in love, got engaged and got married. But when they go to consummate the marriage - BOOM- only then do you figure that she is not a Virgin. Because surely you wouldn't find out if she had a hymen until AFTER you placed the diamond on her finger. You wouldn't find out until that point. You would be on your honeymoon and you would have to break off the relationship with her, because  you accidentally feel in love with her. It would crumble their whole ideology. Ladies, If you are dedicated to this cause, I think some people should follow this all the way through. Please take one for the team. In return for your hard work you will get to see the Trevi Fountain. And you may be taken to some really weird restaurants with Brandon.  

But why do they mind who has their partner has slept with before? Why should they care? Surely it doesn’t matter how many people you have slept with beforehand? Are some men so insecure that they need to have the full love and attention from the woman they go onto marry from start to finish. The only thing that matters is that they love you in that moment and that you cherish that love together. It doesn’t matter who you or they have. As long as they don’t share that love and happiness on Facebook, the internet community and I will be happy. 


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If you want to see me gig soon: Please come along to Toys In The Attic, taking place on the 9th October at the Jolly Sailor at 7.30pm. Going to be a cracker!