Most-likely Marriage Material

Hey Blog-readers,

So if you have ever seen me perform comedy or if you have seen me in real life, you will probably notice that I am Single. It is quite obvious with my choice of clothing and other bad lifestyle decisions which I am oblivious too. However I am genuinely happy to be single, because it is incredibly liberating and it is exciting.

However after one night at a party which happened the other week. I know crazy right? Me... Socialising! 

Here is evidence of me at a party. My mum would be proud. 

At this party I saw a man, who is similar to me, but he was far far drunker and he was so upset. He almost got into a fight which I had to break up the fight and then I  walked the man home. Whilst we were walking to his home, he told me that he was so sad that he was alone and that he didn't want to be alone. I gave him advice on the night which i felt was helpful. But then i thought- Why am I happy to be single? So I wrote him a list of things he should bear in mind on why being alone isn’t so bad. It is not directed to this guy, but to anyone who has found themselves in this position.  

1         I know it sucks to be alone, and I have felt that pain too. But as the philosophers say: Life is only beautiful with the pain. If everything went swimmingly we would lead lives of such mediocrity. Let these moments of pain be an investment of your happiness in the future.

2       When you are single, you can eat all the grossest food possible, because truly no one will judge you.  In general, no one will judge you for sitting in your underwear eating a whole tub of Ben and Jerrys. And you can have garlic sauce on anything. I know- awesome! If you think no one judges you, you are vastly mistaken. In isolation only, can no one judge you (apart from yourself). 

3        When you are single, you don’t have to wait to watch Netflix with anyone. You are truly independent.  You don’t have to wait a couple days until you are both free to watch the next episode of Game Of Thrones- truly that is the epitome of this list. The rest of the reasons, do not compare to this one. 

4        You can use this time to be happy with you. You should be happy with yourself. Not to sound like a soppy bellend on facebook, but you have to love yourself. Not love yourself like in a wanking way. But you have to love yourself enough not to crave someone's love.

5      You are not exactly the type of guy to pick up people when they are plastered in clubs. That’s for attractive people and somewhat lucky people. That does not apply to either of us. But equally, a one-night thrill is great (I wouldn’t know) but it isn’t the key to your happiness. The one you truly love will not be in a club. One of my mother’s friends once said to me “Go to a club and find the one girl who is enjoying just as little as you are and that is your match”.

6         You are a great guy, you are great marriage material. But what that means is that you are totally not going to laid now. And you are probably really upset about that. And you should be upset about that – you are at university and all your other friends are getting laid with ease. Don’t take it personally. Because they are not sleeping with you, doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Just don't worry about it. 

7           Being single you don’t have to share things with other people. Everything you buy is yours. Like your Vegi-Volcano pizza from Domino’s. No one is going to steal it from you. Unless your flatmates are dickheads. 

8           Being Single, you can really figure out what LOVE actually means. You throw around the world love like it is a tennis ball. Love is very unique. The more you use it lightly, the less impact it will have when you find the one you do love. Figure out the difference between the difference between infatuation, lust and love. Love doesn’t happen instantly. You are not a Disney character, love doesn't just occur. As a sidenote, it also does not to help  to passionately sing towards girls like a Disney character would do. I figured out the hard way that this is not a great idea for a first date. Things take time. Have patience. 

9        Find you passion outside of being passionate. Find something you can invest yourself into. Make yourself that bit better at something. Learn the guitar, join an improv group, or start writing a blog on Blogger and share it with your Facebook friends (see what I did here? Clever innit?). 

10      Finally, you really shouldn’t listen to anyone else as well. Entirely disregard EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID. That is so important. I am a 21 year-old boy who has no idea whatsoever. Why are you looking for help from me? You can take my "advice", but it is best for you to figure things out for yourself. Life is a game and you have to play it. You will feel like you are losing to begin with, but you have to be patient. You can lose the small things, but remember to keep persistent and then you can will the long game. Probably. As I said, don’t pay attention to single thing that I say. Love will find a way. All you have to do is keep  your head above the water and you will be fine. If you can stay relatively clean and somewhat employed for the next couple of years, happiness will find you. If not, you can easily find your own happiness.

On a totally random note - I am currently single and available for dates.

Thanks for reading my blog! If you like it, give it a +1, a share and a like on Facebook. Or send me a message. Cheers!
I have some awesome gigs coming up in the future- come and see me perform. Or come along to Toys In The Attic - Canterbury's best open-mic night!

June 12th, The Jolly Sailor, £3.