2015: A LITERAL Year in Review.

2015: A literal Year in review.

2015 has been a pretty great year for me. Not the perfect year- no one has had the perfect year. If you have had the perfect year: I hate you, and I will send you online threats and punch you in the elbow. In doing that I will make your year imperfect, like everyone else.

My year had plenty of highs and lows, so I thought I would review my entire year. It’s like a movie review, but with my actual life. I can’t review it all. It would take too long. It would take me the entirety of 2016.  So I will quickly look at some of my biggest events of 2015 and give them a rating.

Hosstages:  Sketch Show

In the early winds of January, my band of jolly comedians and I created a sketch show called Hosstages: Stockholm syndrome which we performed for two successful night at the Jolly Sailor. Sketches included the world worst neighbour (Roger), a sitcom where one character didn’t get any laughs, and an Alan Bennett monologue placed in Mordor.  8/10 (If I may say so myself).

The second show: The Final Remnants Of Our Creativity  was an intensely weirder show due to many reasons, but it was still a fun show. It featured a literal personal demon, a social awkward James Bond and mafia family who are in the REALLY ORGANISED crime business. I give that show 7/10.

I was immensely proud of these shows, but more so impressed with the cast within the shows who really made a dream of mine come true. I would like to quickly thank the following comedians for helping me with their awesome contributions to these shows:

Maddy Willis, Stuart Hosmer-Wright, Zach Cameron, Claire Nott, Francis Murphy-Thomas, Henry Maddicott,  Olaf Galicki, Jonathan Maltz, Dean Hochlaf and Verity Tan. And Blacky from the Jolly Sailor for helping us with the venue - and for his support for Toys In The Attic too.

And a special thanks to Dan Rhodes, my writing partner. Graham Lineham once said “Finding a writing partner is A LOT HARDER than finding a wife. So when you find one you click with, stick with them”.  Together, we are the perfect concoction of stupid.  But I give him 4/10.

Hosstages will be returning in the new year and with a new cast.

Game Of Thrones Series 5

This was obviously a big moment in my year. Bloody hell. As book-reader this series was incredibly disappointing. Many story lines were dumbed-down. Amazing characters were cut. And the changes to the plot seemed unfathomable. But was worse thing about Game Of Thrones this year was the spoilers that people openly post on facebook. Seriously. If you did that you are sociopath. Or a dickhead. Or Ramsey Bolton.

3/10.

My Stand-up comedy

I gave stand-up comedy a big wellie this year. As of last night, I achieved 100 gigs in the entirety of 2015. Some have gone brilliantly for example:

1)  Folkestone Comedy Club in October. It was the opening night of a professional gig. I needed to show that I was a good act. And the lovely audience were full of energy and gave me the love I sought from them. Hopefully I will be back there soon.

2) Fringe’s Got Talent semi-final at the Edinburgh Fringe in August. It was one of those gigs which the energy of the room was thick and ripe. They wanted me to succeed and I had the material to smash it. I also bribed the judge, April Pearson, with pre-requested Chewits. But I had accidentally attached my number to it. And by “accidentlly” I meant cello-taped it on. April really liked it. Her boyfriend didn’t.  

3)  I headlined a comedy club in Deal which people loved. People asked me for selfies and autographs as they assumed I would be famous in upcoming years. And I got a girls phone number. It was a strange gig as I was overwhelmed by positivity and affection, things i'm not used to.

However there were a lot of bad gigs as well…

1)      One gig in Eastbourne was one of the worst gigs. There was no lights, the stage was literally a staircase and the only audience members there was a very drunk man and drug dealer.
But they did enjoy my set.

2 )      One night in Stoke Newington, in February. Some of my friends came along to support me which was so lovely. There were some amazing acts on the bill like Chris Coltrane, Darrell Skipper and Eric Lampaert headlining. Every act smashed it.Then I came on. I thought it would be an easy audience. I was severely wrong.
That was also the first night which Steve Bennett, the head of Chortle.com, saw me perform and wrote this review: “Starting with mixed-results material about vegetarianism, Matt Hoss went off-script – and came off seeming more nervous and unfocussed than he probably is… he certainly seemed disappointed in his decisions.”
Ah.

3)      Jungle Bar, Hertford, on the 30^th march. The promoter didn’t turn up and the only audience members were hecklers. They offered me mental help during my set.  I gave them by business card. 

Overall though, I have to give my efforts in stand-up and my enjoyment as a whole. I’ve poured so much time, money, blood, sweat and train tickets into this profession. And I like to think that it is paying off. I’m doing bigger and better gigs. I’m getting to know more and more people. But I’m still having fun. Its genuinely the most important thing.

But still. B+. Room for improvement.

Winner of The Eric Barker Award 2015

One of the most proudest moments of 2015 was achieving the Eric Barker Award from the University of Kent for being the best Comedy student. Even to this day I am incredibly honoured to have this status. And Olly Double shook my hand. Winner  10/10

Getting a First Degree.

“I got a First degree!” 8/10

“I got a First degree in Classics and Drama!” 4/10

Graduation was a great day. Great outfits, Great company but very boring speech. But my mum got drunk for my special congratulatory dinner.  Back up to 9/10.

Working at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Great experience and a great month in the biggest arts festival in the world. However when youa re working 10 hour days for 6 weeks straight things get a little bit murdery. “Oh- you have an original adaptation of Shakespeare? PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR ORIGINAL IDEA.”
However I got to see some of the best stand-up acts in my life Bridget Christie, Tom Parry and Luisa Omielan. And I got to meet Susan Boyle. I hit on April Pearson from Skins and was hit on by an BBC egghead on the same night.
 It was a great retrospective experience but at the time was difficult. But it was a testament to a lot of hard work.

And my diet for 6 weeks was Tesco cheese and onion sandwiches. 3 stars.

Mark Thomas

I was given the opportunity to help political activist and comedian Mark Thomas. I helped him with a Loitering Fete and I gigged with him on the same day. I also met Tiernan Douieb (who was an ex-monkeyshiner). I did the RBS way walk for Mark Thomas, where I walked outside the headquarters for RBS in London Liverpool street. I chalked up a 15 metre section outside there building and walked in 666 times to aid Mark’s last show, Trespass , in order to fight London’s private property.

Mark Thomas is the only person I would do exercise for.

Exercise: 2/10.

Activism Exercise: 9/10.

Monkeyshine

In the final third of the year of 2015 could have been possibly the most magical. I was finally accepted onto doing an MA in Stand-up comedy, meaning I would perform at Canterbury’s renowned comedy night “Monkeyshine Comedy Club” on a weekly basis performing stand-up comedy. This is something I have wanted to since starting university and it helped blossom my love for stand-up comedy.
These weekly gigs have gone surprisingly well and I’ve done material about my mum, I’ve started a musical comedy act and there was Pasta Pete. It has honestly been the happiest term of my life.

9/10.

THERE IS STILL ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.

Pasta Pete wishes you a Happy New Year. He will return. 

Summary

Overall 2015 has been amazing. I’ve obviously omitted the bleak days, the depressed weeks and the heartbreaking moments which interweave itself in all of my days from this blog. But these dark moments happens despite what year it is. Nothing ever changes. You are always going to have a shit year unless you pick yourself out of the gutter. That is why New Year’s Resolutions are stupid. You are letting time dictate when you should do something, when you should be the one making those active changes whenever you see fit. Help yourself out of the gutter and have a great year.

To finish, here are a list of aims for my 2016. Some are funny, some are serious, but I hope you enjoy. Happy New year to you all

Aims for 2016:

-            Produce an spectacular hour long comedy show about vegetarianism. It is called Vegetari-Man.

-           Gig as much as possible. I’m aiming for over 150 gigs.

-            Do gigs which gain me status as a comedian. I’m exclusively ONLY playing at the Apollo for 2016.

-           Be politically active. Campaign for what I believe is right. Do not sit idly by. Everyone has power – so exercise it. If you see a rebellion against the First order - you know it is me.

-          Be constantly giving in Time, Knowledge and Kindness. It costs you nothing to help another out.  Apart from your time. But what is that truly worth?

-           Be academically sound as comedian. Read the books, study the history and learn the truth of stand-up comedy. What could be funnier?

-           Be forever playful – on stage and in life. But not in playgrounds.

-           Have time to relax- it is vital. And how else will video game developers make any money if you aren’t wasting your time playing their games.

-             Make time for friends. I’ve been an awful friend this year. If you want a friend, you need to be a friend. So the coffees are on me guys.

-           Take chances.

-           Help the vulnerable.

-           Become Danny Zucko from Grease.

All these are my aims. I will fail some, but not without a fight.

Thank you 2015 and here is to 2016.